PUSHING THROUGH THE STRUGGLES

Funny how so often your greatest Joy, is also your greatest challenge.
PARENTHOOD...
I love being a mom, and I love my little boy so so much and it has by far been the greatest joy in my life to be a parent, but that doesn't mean that it has been easy. In fact, it's been far from that.

I know I've said this before, and some people probably think I'm being silly, but Luke is not an easy child.
My mom and dad always told me that I was a challenging toddler. I was apparently sweet as pie when we were out and with other people, but I was a complete monster child who made my mom cry when we were at home.
Luke I suppose has inherited my 'challenging child' genes.

He is such a social boy.. he loves to play with other kids, and be out doing different things. When we're out, he is usually quite a pleasure - if we're doing something fun of course... shopping and errands don't constitute as fun.
I was also an extremely social child, and I lacked all ability to entertain myself... I required constant attention, which is exactly how Luke is.

We're going through a particularly challenging phase with him right now, and I think Jake and I are both mentally and physically exhausted from trying to keep up. Our patience has been tried, and stretched and has reached the limit. We have exhausted all our ideas, and are feeling like we're at our wits end with our little monkey.

Before I was a mom... and even after having Luke but before he realised he had an opinion about everything, I would see other parents with their challenging kids, and think, "What is wrong with those kids.. and why are the parents allowing them to be such monsters?"... I've very quickly begun to eat my words, and realise, that it's not always a lack of parenting or bad parenting that makes for challenging children... I think some children just really are that way... I know my mom was a good mom, and my two siblings were pretty ok toddlers, but despite me receiving the same parenting as them,  I was her challenging child.

Jake and I have really tried to get through to Luke, and not allow certain behaviors, but he is so stubborn, and so strong willed, and often nothing we do will change his pattern of behavior. I suppose much of it is 'terrible twos' and him discovering his preferences and opinions about things... all a part of growing up I guess, but no less challenging to deal with as a parent.

Right now Luke's most regular behaviors include constant screaming, and endless tantrums.
Part of it is frustration about his limited communication skills, and part of it is him just not able to accept 'NO' when Jake or I won't give him his way.
Much of my week while Jake is at work is spent enduring endless amounts of Luke screaming at me... it may seem silly to feel 'hurt' by attacks from a 2 year old, but I frequently feel worn down, tired and at my wits end after multiple hours or days of enduring his screaming at me. I try really hard to learn his needs and wants, so that he doesn't act out in frustration... but even so, sometimes I won't give in to his wants (like his 3rd cookie) and that results in a tantrum and screaming session all on it's own.

I'm exhausted, and sad that right now my life as a stay at home mom makes me feel miserable. I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom, and I know that eventually we'll get past this phase with Luke, but for now the struggles with him make me dread each day that I have to tackle alone. I want to be a happy mom, and I want to love every minute I get to spend with my wonderful little boy... and it makes me feel extremely guilty that I don't feel that way at the moment, but I'm just at a loss for what else I can do to make all of our lives more pleasant, and easier.

I'm so grateful for my son, and for the baby girl that will join us soon.
My life really is richly blessed by my family, and I do very much know that... but that doesn't make my challenges and struggles right now as a mom any easier, and it makes me sad!